I might look young for my age, I might even feel young but today I realised I am kidding myself. I can no longer consider myself young. This epiphany happened with an email. An email that was written in text speak, well that's what I assumed anyway. It might as well have been written in Polish. In fact Polish would have been better. I could have sat a Pole on my seat, after all there is enough of them in Scotland looking for work, and had them decipher for me but with no Poles in sight this email had me stumped from beginning to end.
There seemed to be words missing, whole sentences even. The words that were visible seemed to be mispelt, I tried to put them back together again and still it made no sense. All things considered text speak should be my language of choice because I am the world's worst typist, I make typing errors all the time and rarely if ever check because I'm too lazy to do so and even when I do make corrections I do something silly like delete a word accidentally, so a whole sentence can mean something totally different from what I intended. With this in mind I should be able to empathise with the text writer but even then I still couldn't translate the email. I started to think maybe its not text speak at all, maybe its code! Maybe, just maybe, its deliberately mispelt, maybe if I use a mirror I can read it. So I got out the old mirror I used for putting my contact lenses in and smacked it against the screen and then tried reading the message from left to right, right to left, from below and from above but still it made as much sense as before. Which was not at all.
In the end I had to delete the message for the crime of not making feel old but for making me feel stupid. No email, no evidence. And no pulling out my hair trying to decipher the damn thing.