Friday, 22 May 2009

So What Can You Recall?

Somehow I have made it to 200 blog posts. A lot slower than some I admit. But here it is. And would you believe it I'm feeling really uninspired in regards to writing something original. No surprise there then!

So instead of writing something nonsensical like I usually do I thought I would mark this minor milestone by inviting you to partake in a little game of mental recall.

The rules are simple.

It is open to anyone who has read this blog for the last 5 or 199 posts (assuming they are not going to be my wife in 7 days time). I already know from experience all too well that her recall is too good. Maybe I'll get her to do the marking.

The object of the game is to try and name previous post titles or subject matter without looking back at previous posts.

The person with the highest score wins.

Unfortunately being skint I can give no prizes, in fact just like learning how to measure a hypotenuse in a school maths class it is largely a waste of time in regards to usefulness for the rest of your life - but it should be a little bit more fun.

Listening to: Little Birdy: Brother

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Just Some Of The Joys That Come With Learning To Be A Step Dad

As a kid I used to enjoy watching the cartoon Charlie Brown but there was one character I never understood. I can't remember the name of the character but it was the one with the blue blankie, and it was the obsession with the carrying of the blankie around with him everywhere that I did not understand. Growing up in the UK myself I didn't know of anyone who had such a habit. And I know for sure I didn't have such a blankie. But in just a few short weeks of being a step dad here to somechileanwoman's kids I'm starting to realise that here in the US the culture is a little different.
Just this very weekend minichileanman said "My blankie! My power!" I have to confess I did not know what it meant - but it was damn funny! Maybe you had to be there to appreciate just how much.

At the time other than how funny it was I didn't give much more thought to what he said there.

Instead I spent the energy wondering why he hadn't pooped in 2 and half days. I couldn't believe I was worried about his lack of pooping but nonetheless I was. However he did finally poop. I couldn't believe I was so relieved to know that he had finally pooped. What the hell is wrong with me?

Shortly after somechileanwoman went off to work tonight I checked up on the kids sleeping in bed just to make sure everything was ok. So yeah I make for a nervous stepdad.

I opened the bedroom door and was hit my a wave of stink. It was bad. Think of bad and then multiply that badness by a figure of around 10 and you might be close to the level of badness that was the stink that hit my nostrils when I opened the bedroom door. I have to admit I was hoping it was just a fart, so I quickly checked that both of somechileanwoman's offspring were still breathing and then quickly left the room so that I could breathe some fresh air. I checked the room again 10 minutes later hoping to find that the smell had dissipated somewhat. It hadn't. By now I was desperate for reasons why the smell hadn't gone. Maybe because it was such a hot day - it was over 90 degrees farenheit today - it was just there was no place for the stink to go to but hang around and the heat was somehow making the stink worse than it should otherwise be. I know, I know I was clutching at straws. I knew as unlikely as this scenario was that I had to check the bottoms for poop. Sure enough head to bum confirmed that minichileanman had indeed pooped.

This presented problems. First of all, minichileanman does not like to be woken up at the best of times. Probably the only thing worse than waking him up before he is fully rested is me changing his nappy. Of course I now had to be in the situation of having to do both. Oh yeah - sometimes I love being a step dad!

Today was also the day that one of minichileanwoman's tooth fell out, which, beyond a small period of time where hysterics was the order of the day, in itself wasn't really a problem until we stuck it underneath her pillow for the toothfairy to come and collect tonight. She promptly rolled over and fell asleep on it, when normally she always sleeps on the other side of the pillow. Typical!

Of course at the moment they are of an age where they both sleep in the same room. Normally this is a good thing. Not so much when you don't want either to wake and you have to clean the bum of one, and lift the head of another all the while hoping, nay praying, not to be discovered - and me a heathen too.

The praying must have worked because somehow neither of them screamed, and somehow I managed to hold my breath long enough to accomplish the task without vomiting, but I have to say if that is the power of the blankie I don't like it much.

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Finally A Chance To Impress The New Family And I May Have Blown It

I have been living here in Utah for 9 weeks now. And in those 9 weeks my new Chilean family seem to have taken it upon themselves to fatten me up whenever they see me. I don't know what it is but apparently being flaco is a bad thing in Chile. Up until now in most instances, except for a few years when I palyed rugby against bigger guys, I was happy being skinny but my new Chilean family seem to think it is their mission to fatten me up. And I mean everybody in the family but somechileanwoman's 14 year old brother. Her other brother has had us round for pizza and some guitar hero. Her seester has had us round for hotdog's and brownies. Her Aunt has fed us on a couple of occasions when we were just popping round for a visit. Her mother has fed us, again when we just visiting. And even her Mami and Papi who have spent something like 2 months vsiting relatives in Australia still found time to do the same. What the F? And just about every one of them has the same thing in common, they talk to somechileanwoman in Spanish (I suspect because they know I don't understand) and at the same time look me up and down and shove some food in my direction. I don't need to know Spanish to ken that there is some conspiring going on. And I love it. I am not going to deny it. I love my food. When it comes to food I am a chancho and I will take it anywhere I can get it. And if I get introduced to new Chilean foods all the better.

However I have been feeling kind of guilty. I have been wanting to for a long time to do the same for all of them, and introduce them to some Scottish foods while I am at it. And finally this weekend being Mother's Day here in the States there was an opportunity to do just that. The Seester was hosting the celebration and making the main meal but somechileanwoman and I were to bring the dessert. When I thought this I thought we could make one Chilean dessert and one Scottish dessert but that was probably going to be too much food so we settled on the Scottish dessert. A perfect opportunity I thought to impress the new family because if there is one things Scottish cuisine does well it is satisfy a sweet tooth. Together we settled on making an Auld Alliance Tart - well in America anything with apples surely can't go wrong. At the time it seemed to go down well with everyone, except perhaps the cooking time - some were a little impatient but I am the same when waiting for dessert. When it was finally dished up it was tasty good so I think all was forgiven.

However since that day I have shheeeeting in the toilet for 3 days. In between times I have been scared to fart in case I shheeet some more. I don't want to be telling tales but somechileanwoman went through some similar issues for a day or two too. Now I cannot be sure it was anything to do with the dessert that we made that we have those ailments but it would just be my sort of luck if it was. I can only hope that the rest of the family that I was so eager to impress have not been going through similar distress. Main reason being that they have been very nice to us and don't deserve it, but also because I just know they will love reminding me often by saying something like your only job is to cook dessert. Do you not realise I have had diarrhea since Eeeastersss?

Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Are you a Twit?

Do you Twitter? If so tell me why, because I just don't get the fascination. For me its up there with $19.99 infomercial toothpaste squeezers in terms of level of necessity and usefulness.