I have been living here in Utah for 9 weeks now. And in those 9 weeks my new Chilean family seem to have taken it upon themselves to fatten me up whenever they see me. I don't know what it is but apparently being flaco is a bad thing in Chile. Up until now in most instances, except for a few years when I palyed rugby against bigger guys, I was happy being skinny but my new Chilean family seem to think it is their mission to fatten me up. And I mean everybody in the family but somechileanwoman's 14 year old brother. Her other brother has had us round for pizza and some guitar hero. Her seester has had us round for hotdog's and brownies. Her Aunt has fed us on a couple of occasions when we were just popping round for a visit. Her mother has fed us, again when we just visiting. And even her Mami and Papi who have spent something like 2 months vsiting relatives in Australia still found time to do the same. What the F? And just about every one of them has the same thing in common, they talk to somechileanwoman in Spanish (I suspect because they know I don't understand) and at the same time look me up and down and shove some food in my direction. I don't need to know Spanish to ken that there is some conspiring going on. And I love it. I am not going to deny it. I love my food. When it comes to food I am a chancho and I will take it anywhere I can get it. And if I get introduced to new Chilean foods all the better.
However I have been feeling kind of guilty. I have been wanting to for a long time to do the same for all of them, and introduce them to some Scottish foods while I am at it. And finally this weekend being Mother's Day here in the States there was an opportunity to do just that. The Seester was hosting the celebration and making the main meal but somechileanwoman and I were to bring the dessert. When I thought this I thought we could make one Chilean dessert and one Scottish dessert but that was probably going to be too much food so we settled on the Scottish dessert. A perfect opportunity I thought to impress the new family because if there is one things Scottish cuisine does well it is satisfy a sweet tooth. Together we settled on making an Auld Alliance Tart - well in America anything with apples surely can't go wrong. At the time it seemed to go down well with everyone, except perhaps the cooking time - some were a little impatient but I am the same when waiting for dessert. When it was finally dished up it was tasty good so I think all was forgiven.
However since that day I have shheeeeting in the toilet for 3 days. In between times I have been scared to fart in case I shheeet some more. I don't want to be telling tales but somechileanwoman went through some similar issues for a day or two too. Now I cannot be sure it was anything to do with the dessert that we made that we have those ailments but it would just be my sort of luck if it was. I can only hope that the rest of the family that I was so eager to impress have not been going through similar distress. Main reason being that they have been very nice to us and don't deserve it, but also because I just know they will love reminding me often by saying something like your only job is to cook dessert. Do you not realise I have had diarrhea since Eeeastersss?