Thursday, 22 March 2007

Three & Easy

I was going to write another post but I got tagged so even though I don't respond to taggings I decided that this was easier than the post I had in mind. So without further ado let me begin.....

Three things that scare me:

The human race....every last one of you is a
scary bugger. Do you know what you are capable of? No? Don't find out, I don't ever want to know.

Flying in an aircraft with only one pilot. Think about it, people die all the time, you don't want to be up in the air when the only person that knows how to get you safely on land again has just croaked.

Karma. I should be a better person, but I can't help it, its so much more fun being bad.

Three people who make me laugh:

John Cleese.

Billy Connolly.

Random people, and the stupid things they say and do.

Three things I love:

Standing on the top of a mountain, feeling like just a small part of the universe. God I'm such a hippy, I don't know why I don't just grow my hair long and surrender to it fully.

Orgasms. Hers, mine, I'm not fussy. Oh, you were paying attention?

That smile that says she likes me, nay, she loves me. It's been a while.

Three things I hate:

"You have been placed in a queue but your call is important to us...."

Stupid, racist, close-minded, cunts. I think that say it all.

Sigur Ros CD's.

Three things I don't understand:

People who regularly go to to tanning salons. You're Scottish, you aren't supposed to tan. Deal with the fact that you aren't meant to look like a walking, talking orange.

Why women wear the most uncomfortable shoes they can find, and love them. Don't get me wrong I like what a five inch heel does to the shape of a woman's calf muscle but there is no good reason that I can think of if I had been born a woman that I would want to wear and walk in such a contraption.

The difference between the people who hear God speak to them and spend their time in a mental institution and others who hear God but who get their own slot on television complete with premium rate phone number and access to the life savings of old people who have more money than sense.

Three things on my desk:




Three things I'm doing now:

Listening to music. No change there then

Eating lunch.

Duh! Writing this.

Three things I want to do before I die:

Travel the world in a hot air balloon. Preferably without getting shot down whilst flying over a warzone. But if it adds excitement......

Ride a Harley. Without killing anyone or get beaten up by a beer bellied, hairy arsed biker.

Go into a book shop with buying half the store. It might sound simple to you but you have no idea......

Three things I can do:

Make a mean Spaghetti Bolognese. But then its not really hard. Shut up.

Procrastinate Now that, I'm an expert at.

Fuck off, that will do you are making me think too hard.

Three things I can't do:

Dance. I have no rhythm.

Sing. But it's OK, I know this and never wanted to anyway.

Lick my own elbow. If you can do this you aren't human, you are a freak.

Three things I think you should listen to:

Birds singing in the morning and late evening. Forget the pointless stress of modern living, listen, chill, find your zen.

My mother. Even if it's only to say afterwards "I told you I shouldn't have listened to you!"

Aqueous Transmission by Incubus. Just don't listen to it whilst driving at 5 am. You have been warned.

Three things you should never listen to:

Politicians. They are either boring or down right dangerous, or both. Ignore them all.

Advice from people who are even more messed up than I am. Enough said.

Back seat drivers. Especially those who have never sat behind the steering wheel in their life.

Three things I'd like to learn:

To dance the salsa or tango with a beautiful woman. Not just any beautiful woman, my beautiful woman, not some dance teacher that I am paying too much of my hard earned money too. I'm greedy dammit, I want it all.

Why I learnt algebra at school for over 2 years only to never use when I left. I can't think of one instance since then where I have said "Let X = ......"

Why the nutter's on the bus or train always sit beside me. Second thoughts, I don't want to know.

Three favourite foods:

Shellfish. Not a big fish eater but I like my prawns, crab, lobsters etc. I don't understand it either.

My mothers homemade soup. It's good!

Pasta. It could be macaroni or Spaghetti, I don't care just give me some.

Three beverages I regularly drink:

Irn Bru. Betraying my West of Scotland roots.

Pineapple Juice. I like pineapples for no good reason

Milk. Only semi-skimmed. Full fat cream makes me sick. Don't know why.


Three television programs I watched as a child:

The Incredible Hulk - It was the theme tune. I would watch the whole program on a weekly basis just for theme tune at the beginning and end of the show. I was a weird child.

The Littliest Hobo. Again it was the theme tune and the fact that I was a sucker for lost dogs that helped random strangers for no good reason other than it was the right thing to do.

Speedy Gonzales. Now how could you not like the fastest mouse in all of Mexico? I mean really! "Arriba! Arriba!

I'm not mean enough to nominate anyone for a tagging, besides with my irregular posts over the last 11 weeks or so, it's likely I only have 2 readers left.


Just a Girl said...

Leftover elbow skin

Scotsman said...

How much and where has it moved to?

Just a Girl said...

It makes a nice pouch.

Scotsman said...


Room enough for a Koala?

Just a Girl said...

Hmmm...something more the size of a walnut me thinks ;)

Scotsman said...

"Roll up, roll up, come see the the amazing walnut hiding woman!"

Nah, I can't sell tickets for that freakshow. Shame.

Just a Girl said...

I think people already sell tickets to that show....


Scotsman said...

There goes that second income flying out the window.

Tathiana Sobroza said...

I thought I could lick my own elbow but nah, I can't.

That means... I am a normal person, right? Nah, I don't think so.

BTW, say to these orange people to move to Brazil. At least they can stay orange for free. :P

Have a good week!

Scotsman said...

Hah, made you try to lick it ....