So you are still reading? Pervert!
OK here goes. If I was describing myself to someone who didn't know me I would probably have to (if I was being completely honest) say that I was a bit of a loner. In today's world being a loner is almost seen as something bad, something inhumane. And yet I am a loner. It's not that I don't like other people, I love people, people fascinate me, but I also like my own company.
I'm not the the type that gets lonely just because I am on my own, I don't need someone just for the sake of not being on my own. I have a friend who doesn't understand why I have been able to live on my own so long, but then I don't understand why she needs to be with someone new shortly after a relationship has just come to an end. That said sometimes I look at couples, the few that seem to have it right, with envy. Those perfect couples that are happy, not because of what they own but because they are full of life and just are great together. It's couples like that give me a rather romanticised version of coupledom. I'm not willing to give up single living just for the sake of being with someone, just anyone. She has to be special.
I guess I want that special someone where I feel we can talk to one another about anything and everything knowing that no subject is off limits (well perhaps soaps and reality TV - neither are really my thing) including stupid things like why people feel the need to show off, with the aid of a low cut pair of jeans, the colour of their underwear that is currently working its way inside their backside to sharing with one another our own stupid messed up crazy solutions for the ills of an even crazier messed up world. I want that someone that is intelligent, who looks at the world around her and who has her own opinion about it but not in a annoying way. Not someone who is going to shove her intelligence down my throat every time she opens her mouth but someone who will make me challenge myself to be better than I am, both mentally and physically, just by being in her company on a daily basis.
Someone who shows off her skin more often than what is in her head holds no appeal for me. Maybe I spent too many days in libraries when I was a boy but I don't understand the tendency of some girls to act stupid (especially when they probably aren't as stupid as they act). Is not that I'm particularly clever, because I'm not, its just I just like to know how others think and there will be no-one that I will be more interested in knowing how they think than the person I am in love with. Forget the familiarity-breeds-contempt sort of relationship, I don't see myself settling for that. I don't ever want to be one half of the couple that sits across from one another but doesn't say a word. Strange really when I'm not much of a talker, I'm generally quiet but when I'm comfortable with someone I like to be able to talk about any stupid thing that comes into my head and I guess I want that same freedom with that 'special' one.
And then there are the silly romanticised notions that take my fancy, things like being content just to watch her sleep. There can be a stupid satisfaction gained from spending minutes watching the chest of the person you are in love with rise and fall under the sheets. It would be nice to find that someone whom I would want to learn to tango or samba with. Dancing, that's an odd one. That sneaked up on me when I wasn't paying attention. Dancing for me was like singing, I have no singing ability nor do I have any dancing ability. As a consequence of not having a voice fit for singing I wasn't interested in singing. Likewise as I had no rhythm in my feet I had no interest in dancing, well until recently when a change came upon me and I started to think it would be nice to have someone I wanted to dance for and with. Not just any dance, dance that expressed myself, dances of passion. But then no-one is that perfect that they have the patience to spend the time with me finding my rhythm, that could take years.
I do a lot of hiking and travelling around Scotland when I have the time and it would be nice to share some of that time looking down on the world from the top of a mountain or failing that just enjoying the long days of Scottish summers walking in the park or the botanic gardens with someone by my side. She doesn't have to enjoy sports as much as I do, although it might be nice, she can be equally into her own thing enjoying time by herself but it would be nice if she missed me when she wasn't with me and I her but not in a sickingly suffocating way. And of course there is the sex, it would be great if it was awesome (thats not a word I use very often).
Finally the x-rated stuff that you read this far down your screen for. Its been so long since I last had sex that it almost feels like a mere blip in history - over and done with and never to be repeated. At times, when the urge is strong, that is the worst thing about being single, especially if like me you aren't into one night stands and prefer sex when you are in a relationship, when it means something. Now I'm Scottish and as a result kind of presbyterian in my ways when it comes to sex so talking and writing about it doesn't come easy to me. Nonetheless the urges & fantasies are still there within, rolling around in my head, some of them can remain there but other thoughts want to be acted out and lately they've been waiting a long time. Sex should never be the be all and end all in a relationship but it can still be important. It would be nice if we had complimentary interests and kinks in the bedroom or elsewhere for that matter.
There will be times when I might want to watch as she slowly pulls up a pair of stockings, over her thigh. A pair that I had that night picked out for her. There will be times I will want my hand to slowly trail up her ankle, her calf, past her knee whilst staring into her eyes as my fingers continue their journey to the inside of her thigh.
I may want to lean over the top of her as she lies on our bed and whisper in her ear "I want to use and abuse you,” without feeling dirty or feel that I can't share such things.
I will want to watch her lips part as she stares back up at me, big eyed. I may want her surprised and flustered as I whisper filth in her ear so normally unbecoming of me. I may want her to shudder with my touch as I suck on her ear, bite and suck on her neck. I will want her to know how much I want a piece of her flesh. I will want her to give it to me willingly. I will want to seduce her to a state that she will realise that for that moment she was put on this earth for me. To please me, to let me use her in such a way that god would have to look away. I will want to get to her to that moment of surrender where she did not care what I did to her as long as it was me that was doing it. My hands on her, giving her any kind of attention. Even now I want that moment.
I want her squirming. I want her to get wet as my hands roam her skin. I want to feel her warmth, her damp readiness as my hand reaches her cunt, my cunt. A toy that I won’t get enough off.
My hand taking a journey down the inside of her underwear and to her cunt. I will want her to watch every moment. The moment when I trace her lips with my fingertips. I want to hear her moan with need. Anticipating and wanting my next move.
I will want to feel her body begging for me to go inside, I will want to feel her internal heat as my fingers slip in. Watch as her back arches against the mattress as she surrenders to my touch. I may want to watch as she cannot help but let her cunt react to the filth I will still be whispering in her ear. I'll want to watch as she twitches with anticipation.
And when my tongue hits her clit I’ll watch her writhe and gasp and listen to her breathy moan. Sounds of need that at times like these I'll crave. I may push in the dildo while I press my lips against her skin she may lose it and buck against my tongue, squeezing her thighs against my head so that I push my tongue deeper against her. Moments where she may grab the back of my head, knowing she shouldn't have, knowing she may get punished for it later (not in a bad way of course), but the animal in her will want my head buried in her cunt. I'll want that moment when she's panting, on the edge of coming on my tongue. Heaving, squirming...when I’ll suddenly, without warning, turn her over.
Her face will be pressed against the bed, her ass will be up in the air, feeling warm fluid hit her asshole and running down to her cunt. I may push my cock inside her while looping a scarf around her neck. Pulling it, and gripping what I can of her stockings whilst riding her cunt like I’m taming an animal. The constant tightening around her neck making her more and more wet. Small moans escaping her throat as I fuck her, using her cunt for her pleasure, my pleasure, both our pleasures. Taking her minute after minute. Working her in and out to a rhythm I command. Her feeling me twitch and cum deep inside her cunt. Standing there with my hands on her ass as I catch my breath, recovering, staying inside her for a moment. Her trying to try to milk the last of me with her cunt.
Slowly I may pull out and replace my cock with her dildo whilst handing her her vibrator. Controlling the vibration as I press it against her clit. Continuing to fuck her cum soaked cunt as she grinds against the vibrator until minutes later she finds herself moaning and screaming before lying back on the bed spent and gasping for air.
Later we may lie back and recover together, with her in my arms…
Who is to say how the sex or sexual thoughts may go with someone I will meet sometime in the future, it may or may not go something like this but hopefully the common mutual interest will be there and there won't be any of the 'sorry not tonight I've just washed my hair, and I'll be doing the same tomorrow' excuses.
I'm not sure I'll ever find someone with all these attributes, and others that I failed to mention, maybe these aren't really what I'll fall for or need to get my attention at all, but I know one thing until I find that someone who is special in my eyes I'm not ready to settle down. Not for second best.
Why I wrote this post I have no idea, it certainly didn't go in the direction that I expected when I started it.