Saturday, 19 August 2006

I Need A Brain Transplant

I'm having one of those days when despite having what I thought was a good idea for a blogging moment, back when I was lying in my bed, I just can not get my brain to translate my thoughts into something that is comprehendible to outsiders. Sometimes I don't like my brain. My brain and I have this war on a daily basis.

I see people in the outside world who are intelligent, who seem to be able to concentrate on one thought at a time, from the beginning all the way to the end before moving onto the next thought. It looks so simple. So easy. I want to be like that!

Instead I have a brain that has mistaken itself for a machine gun. It fires out 1001 thoughts at once, firing off bullet thoughts in all directions. It does this throughout the day on a daily basis. Never finishing one thought before moving onto the next. I'm fed up with it being complicated.

My brain never shuts up. Never! It’s always bloody thinking. It does its best thinking at night time. That’s when it focuses on maybe 10 or 12 thoughts at a time instead of 1001. This feels great, except for the fact that I should be sleeping and not thinking at all. In the morning when I want to focus on those great thoughts I had during the night its back to the machine gun mode. Argh!

You know that picture by Edvard Munch called The Scream where the man is pushing his face in with his hands? I could do a self portrait something similar to that, instead I would paint a scene where I would be demonstrating trying to pull the thoughts out of my head with clenched fists.

I want a new brain. One that works. One that is intelligent, allows me to be articulate and doesn't fight me every fucking inch of the way. Sometimes I feel I am intelligent, other times I am just reminded how stupid I am and I'm sick of it!

Meanwhile I have forgotten what the great blogging moment was. Bugger!


J.a.G. said...

(did you read my journal???)
I recognize that brain. It's so frustrating to lie in bed, staring at the dark and willing it to shush.

I've often thought that Dumbledore's pensieve would be very, very handy to have; pull the sucker's out and get them later if necessary.

Your brain works too well.
Maybe this means you'll not get alzheimer's?

Scotsman said...

Knowing my luck I will get alzheimer's. I'll still get these thoughts from the past and I won't remember the time or the place from where those thoughts came. I'll be driven nuts by my own thoughts to such an extent that simple things like remembering where the toilet is I'll forget, just when my bladder is at its weakest. I'll be a forgetful, stinky, grumpy old man. I pity my future carer. Then again maybe they are going to shove my wheelchair in front of a bus, maybe I don't pity them.
I think I need to read up on Harry Potter, I had to google Dumbledore.

JaG said...

Well if you do have alzheimer's you'll be entertained and not driven nuts. Each thought with seem new (I think).
As to stinky, grump etc? If you're old you've earned the right.

Yes, I read children's books every so often. It has to do with the fact I was reading things way to old for me when I was young.

Did you find out what a pensieve is then?

Scotsman said...

Yes I don't feel so Harry Potter ignorant now. I think I'm one of the few that didn't read Harry Potter. I'm rebellious like that.

ill man said...

Scotsman, If I knew what it was that stopped my brain going into overdrive i'd let you in on it pronto....

As it is, I sometimes wish I was a little more mentally active in that way....

It's not like i'm any less neurotic for it.