Wednesday, 7 April 2010

It's Shite Being Scottish!

As I sit here stuffing my face with a damn good chocolate chip cookie I feel the need to appease the wife. You see she's get a little peeved at the fact that there is something in every day that reminds her that she is with a Scottish husband.

It could be as something as simple as watching a movie that just happens to have a Scottish character/Scottish actor/Scottish director/Scottish accent/Scottish song in it. Or we could be fast forwarding the adverts on the dvr and just happen to see a Scots Korean in full kilted regalia advertising Starburst or a Latino wearing a kilt for a wedding advert. Or it can be coming across a new young patient at the pediatric dentistry office in which she works called William Wallace. The Scottish links are everywhere and I think she's a little bit jealous of the fact that no one ever says to her "I have Chilean ancestry." I think she's starting to think that she lives in a MacWorld, and not necessarily one with ipads and iphones.

However the slow domination of the world by Scots has been a slow and painful one. So I'm going to steal an idea from Trainspotting and start a new mini series called It's Shite Being Scottish.

The inspiration for this series came from when in the film Tommy took his friends to the Highlands with the intention of them enjoying the great outdoors by going on a hike. He gets off the train and says "Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish." Renton replied with "It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference"

Now I don't necessarily go along with that but being Scottish isn't all that its cracked up to be and certainly hasn't been throughout history. There are plenty of blogs out there that show the nicer side of Scotland or being Scottish this series isn't going to show that picture. It probably won't be very regular, maybe once a week but more likely once a month but its going to show the not so great side of being Scottish.


Someone Said said...

Just this morning, my wife over the telephone was told she sounded like Braveheart. Later, the person sent her a thank you email, in Gaelic.

PurestGreen said...

I'm sure it doesn't help that yesterday was Tartan Day...

Scottish influence around the world is massive, but it's not the fault of the Scots! Most left their country because they had to, and in doing so they ended up taking their culture everywhere they went.

Try to seek out some Chilean influence locally - it's bound to be there. :)

Jimmy Bastard said...

Most left their country because they had to? Do tell me more...

Are you sure you're no getting slightly confuddled with our Irish cousins history?

Back to your man 'Renton'. Of course he thought being Scottish was shite... they were all fae Edinborough, the lowest place a man could ever come fae.

Now Glasgow on the other hand, now that's the real Scotland, and thankfully miles apart fae those Auld Reekie trotters over there in smack-city!

Some Chilean Woman said...

That William Wallace kid has horrible teeth and a ton of work to be done so he's been to the office a couple of times now. Every time he checks in I say his name in my best Scottish accent, but I fail and sound Japanese every time.

Viva Chile!!!!

Sausage Fingers said...

It has always been difficult being Scottish in Americaland, the long overdue recognition of our culture is welcoming. I struggled to fit in when I was kidnapped from the beautiful town of Dundee and forced to comb the beaches of Miami as a 15 year old.

Professor Batty said...

The industrial revolution of the 1800's was almost all created or abetted by Scots, if that is any solace.

Scotsman said...

Someone Said: I'm sure some people here would think I was speaking Gaelic on a daily basis, if they had heard of it.

Purest Green: The wife is part of a Chilean band so we know a lot of the Chilean community here so we do our fair share of Chilean activities.

Jimmy Bastard: How are you ever going to get a drink from a Hibernian or Jam Tarts with attitude like that?

Some Chilean Woman: That makes a change from the Eliza Doolittle accent you usually produce when you try going Scottish.

Sausage Fingers: Ah but those beaches were warmer than the North Sea beaches you were brought up with and you seem to have survived just nicely

Professor Batty: It was but I'm trying to make the wife feel better.